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Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Joey Story

I suppose this should have prefaced yesterday's post, but that's why "real writers" have editors, no? I tend to think that "everyone knows" the "Joey story"...but about a month ago I realized my FIL's fiance of 5 years didn't....so I guess not.
I'll cliff note the beginning.
Wayne and I met online in 1999. I was studying at Manhattan College he was home on the farm. We talked online or emailed almost every day. For 13 months. He started asking me to meet him after about 6. This is back in the day when people "just didn't meet online"...so something weirded me out about it. it may have had something to do with my 4th grade school project that said "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I wrote "NOT a farmer or a nurse."
Finally, June 7th of 2000 we met at Crossgates Mall in Albany. I in my 1993 green and tan Ford Bronco Eddie Bauer, he in his 1998 green Ford F-150 XL. We parked next to the same tree, though we met inside. The intent: dinner and a movie. The reality: we talked too long to see a movie. So it was dinner/dessert at Houlihans. He had apple pie for dessert and made me promise not to tell his mom it was better than hers:)
It was the start of something fabulous.
We spent a lot of time together over the next year.
In the spring of 01, darling Wayne started talking about "our future." In short, he wanted a minivan and kids....I was soooo not there...yet. (Funny how I now stalk Honda Odysseys.) I was busy traveling and working for my Dad. That summer I planned to be all over the place, and couldn't imagine for the life of me WANTING to be in ONE place. how boring!
and I left...a very sad guy...in April of 01.
a few weeks later I wasn't feeling well. I remember ordering Chinese to a school in Brooklyn we were working...I ordered white rice and broccoli. Tosca says "what are you pregnant" "yeah right"....
indeed I was.
awesome.
meanwhile, I live with my parents. By live I mean most nights I share a hotel room with my Dad...and when we're home it's uber "tight" too. ie: I didn't go to Walmart alone...
Around the 20th of April we (my Dad, myself and 8 ponies) headed to Saskatchewan. and. i. worked. I remember when I started hanging out with the amazing Patty Zerbini. She had two teenagers, 3 elephants, a bus, a semi and an infant....and man did she rock it.
But I couldn't do that.
The plan was to terminate.
Well. Being in a foreign country, with your father up your butt...all.the.time...there's really no where to go to even investigate.
I came home to the states a few times, but not long enough to coordinate appointments.
So I just worked my tail off and hoped nobody would notice. We ended up on another show for most of the summer and I worked alongside another awesome elephant guy. We had dinner every night, breakfast every morning, and spent all day together chatting about al-U-min-E-um and Tag Heur watches and Z-trois. It was purely a friendship though...he was actually in love with someone else...who we talked about all.the.time:) which was fine with me. She's one of my favorite people.
So we were finally home in August.
9/11 happened. We lost my cousin Jimmy.
A few days later, on my way to Virginia to scope out jobs I stopped at my Aunt & Uncles house with brownies. I gave my Uncle a hug for probably the first time in my life...and I felt the baby move for the first time.
That was a long drive to Virginia.
Then I decided adoption would be best. In student congress we had debated PBAs all.the.time and I hated the thought of it. I also thought that since Jimmy was taken, this must be God's way of bringing new life. (Not that I was all that close w/God at the time.)
So November 18th I moved to Virginia. Finally "cut the cord" and could do things on my own. I picked a family through an adoption agency and I met them at a Cracker Barrel. They had a minivan, an older boy who played soccer, and looked really lovely.
I told them I thought it was a boy and that he would be here before Christmas.
I went to get Medicaid. They didn't believe I was pregnant...(at 36 weeks) and I needed a Dr's note.
I got a job at Walmart. I put on my app that I wanted $10/hr. Well, turns out with that they needed a girl in the hardware dept so their numbers were right. Sure enough I got $10/hr...to hang picture frame hanging kits on little pegs.
Sweet.
I had a job in sales lined up at the Ford dealership in Tyson's Corner, but not until after the 1st of the year.
Well, I was pretty sure that baby was coming. On a Sunday I drove over to the hospital...had to convince the L&D staff that I was pregnant...They ended up sending me home b/c he wasn't ready.
Tuesday I went back. I got there around 3:30. They decided to induce me at 38 weeks.
I had told one person by now. Two, but one was drunk at the time and didn't remember. The one I told was because I knew I'd need an emergency contact at the hospital...and i knew he would use discretion, but call my parents if something was really wrong.
They started the induction at 6ish...and things progressed smoothly. I remember wondering which birthday he'd be born on...that day was a dear friend's bday--genious...and the drunk guy I had told. The other was also a great guy. So I decided that if some qualities are related to the day you are born...either would be good.
Well...I had to wait for the Dr. Who was...well...kind of a jerk. Joey was born just after midnight.
The "family" came up the next day. I did hold him and give him a bottle...and was surprised how "chill" he was. His apgars were 9 & 10...looked like blonde and blue as I would have figured.
I had to give him a name.
Since it wouldn't be "used" I names him James Woods Naughton...after my cousin who died. I thought it would be nice for it to be "somewhere."
Finally I was out of there. I only had Canadian money and convinced the guy at the gas station to let me buy gas with it:)
I went home and showered...oh that was great!:)
I got my mail. A Christmas card from Wayne's mom. If she only knew.
I was starving.
I went to Cracker Barrel.
There was a man in the parking lot--senior citizen who also had a truck. We chatted a bit in the parking lot and by the time we got to the door he asked if I'd eat with him.
Sure, why not.
He was a nice guy. I liked him. I remember talking about his wife he lost and how he still RVs because she always loved it.
Then I went back to visit the baby. I brought him my stuffed eeyore and held him. One of the nursery nurses said "you'll take him home"...i thought--yea right.
Back home online I started researching car seats...but didn't have the money or anything. So it wasn't happening.
a week later i drove home from virginia for Elizabeth's birthday. On the way home in PA I had these awful cramps after eating baby carrots. I figured it was things going back into place...or maybe I overdid it with 1500 crunches/day...who knew?
So I got home, picked up Elizabeth from school, etc.
After dinner I was still crampy and couldn't get comfortable. But my Dad wanted to go to Walmart and do some Christmas shopping. So we went. I just about got through HBAs and couldn't do anymore. me. I couldn't shop! we checked out with the few things I bought and I gave my dad the keys to my truck. At that point, he said we're going to the hospital. (I NEVER let him drive my truck.)
So we got to St Peter's and while he was in the hallway I explained to the Dr that I had a baby but nobody knew and we had to keep it that way. Fine, no prob-I was 21.
Ended up being pancreatitis/gall bladder.
Well we had to wait until some levels went down so they could operate. So every day they would print out my labs for my mom. She knew what they meant...I certainly didn't.
Well one day there was a new nurse who printed out my whole report...including the part that said "post partum" My mom IMed me from home and asked what that meant. pssht. must be a typo.
Wayne and his mom even came to visit me. Isn't that adorable:) He had another gf at the time...but he still gave me a hug when his mom "oh so strategically" left us alone:)
So surgery is done, I go home.
My mom comes downstairs and knows I can't lie to her face and says "so what does that mean?"
oh crap...game over.
i went to the safe and got out the footprints from the hospital.
and she cried. and said "we have to tell your father"
really? I made it THIS FAR without telling him.
So...we told my father. He said "we're going to get that baby"
oh.
we are?
um...I should tell Wayne.
It was a power outage so I only had my laptop battery and dial-up to communicate. So I emailed him...btw, we have a kid....this is what I'm naming him...i don't want money, but you may have a relationship if you wish.
I immediately changed his name to Joseph Patrick Naughton...after my favorite Uncle. Since Uncle Joe is either, Joe, JoJo or Joseph...Joey got Joey:)
On Jan 5th we picked Joey up from his adoptive family. It wasn't final in VA yet...i had to go back down and go to court after 30 days. I had a 30 day no questions asked window.
Wayne emailed back initially saying that he'd be down on Monday to meet him and we could go from there.
Before Monday came there was an email...he may have dictated it, but didn't type it. Saying that it would be better off if he didn't get involved so he wouldn't be pulled between two houses, etc.
Seemed weird but whatever. (Turns out his father told him it wouldn't be a good idea.)
If Patty could do it with elephants and a baby, you bet your butt I could. screw him.
At 5weeks old. Joey was on the road with the circus. My friend Sadie had just had her son Samat. I remember being at the UPS in Latham picking up a toy order w/my ryder truck and Sadie's husband. I called Pierre to tell him. He was excited. We talked briefly b/c he had to go back on with the elephants. That's the last time I spoke to him. He was killed a year or so later.
Sadie's husband died in a tragic accident a month later. we never know, do we?
Joey's first few months of life were spent in hotels and trucks. Might have something to do with his current truck obsession:) At 15m old he was pushing boxes 10 times his size down the hallway.
I ended up w/a bf. and made a life somehow. Until I was tired of his mooching butt and was done. (I worked...he didn't...and didn't do anything at home)
Well now, I'm living on my own in Saratoga. Working 65hrs/week at a trucking company and Joey needs daycare and insurance. He was almost 3.
I went to the county to get child care assistance. I was told I had to file for child support.
I had no other option.
So I did.
His father told him to get DNA testing...so we did.
Then we had the court date for support. He had a lawyer, I didn't. I told his lawyer he could have him up to 50% of the time and save on child care, etc.
The lawyer told Wayne that I was great.
On the way out of court his lawyer says "you two should really talk" and we did. We talked for 20 minutes or so in the parking lot. He had a bit of a cold but said he'd be over on Monday. I was hoping this Monday would come.
Well he came over...hung out with Joey. Joey liked looking at his truck through the window.
the next day Joey and I were out running errands and saw a blue/green F-250 and he says "that's my Daddy's truck"...and I cried. I had never mentioned the "D" word...
We've been together ever since.

2 comments:

  1. Wow! Thanks for sharing that story. It helps fill in some blanks that I never knew. It's amazing how God works everything out!

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  2. Amazing story; and I know for a fact it's all true; glad you posted it.

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