Perfection: Part 2, Defying Gravity

I did not intend for this to be a two part entry, but my brain says so:)
You know how they say writing is therapeutic?  Writing is awesome for me.  I hate talking on the phone (I can only process one thing at a time), and often in person I have a hard time forming complete thoughts, and then a conversation drifts to a side note and I have no idea where I once was.  So sitting here in silence, seizing naptime (when I should absolutely be cleaning the kitchen), lets me process all these crazy thoughts into complete sentences.
The response both on-blog, on cafemom and on facebook, as well as pageviews, texts and emails to "Perfection" caught me by surprise.  In all honesty I half expected people to say "yea you are a screw up, get your crap together."  Not only was there a lot of love...a LOT, but it turns out I'm not the only one who isn't perfect!  yay!
Two nights ago, while Pandora-ing (new word, you saw it here first) on my RENT Original Broadway Cast channel (the timing is off on the movie soundtrack, hard to sing along....) Defying Gravity from Wicked came on.  I sang along....NOT one for karaoke mind you...I do not have that range:) The lyrics have kept playing over and over in my head...to the point where I'm giddy.  For those of you not familiar...

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I get a chill up my spine just typing that.  Something HAS changed within me, it is NOT the same.  I won't play by their rules.  God gave ME instincts on how to raise MY family and love MY husband and deal with life. You know what?  I do need to trust those!  Yes, I was afraid of loosing their love...but I suppose clearly it was lost already and devoting my life to try and make them think I'm a good wife or mom, is truly too high of a cost.

I wonder how many hours, days, weeks, months were truly robbed from my family because I was trying to make the extended family like me.  What a waste.

Yes, I have limitations.  I am, foremost, human.  Throwing a brain injury on top of that only adds to my limitations.  Not that I expect them to vanish, but if I'm working on someone else's issue with me, I can't push my own limits and see what's out there.  We ALL have room for improvement.  You can improve without trying to be "perfect."  I think the difference in pushing your own limits is that it's an internal journey that nobody else may even know about, while trying to be perfect is merely a facade.

We know which is worth our time.

I think I'll try defying gravity...AND YOU CAN'T PULL ME DOWN!

:-)