Was it planned?

Ok here goes. My least favorite question having to do with pregnancy.
"Was it planned?"
Our answer? very much so. In reality...who cares? We've owned our house for almost five years, have 3 vehicles younger than our oldest child, pay our bills and function as adults....we're even married now.
I'm a planner...there's NO DENYING that! Which is one of the top reasons that in April of 07 I had my tubes "tied." At the time we didn't see how we could "ever" afford another kid...or manage a baby with our schedules. There was also the "what would they say" element. When Joey was born I remember Mom Peg telling me..."we love Joey we're glad he's here, but don't let it happen again" ok great.
Never one to want to disappoint those around me, I lead the campaign to shut down the factory and avoid the "risk" of another child.
God has a funny way of working on people. That was April. In September I had my car accident. After about 2 days of being home due to the injuries...I started dreaming of another child. I read the "tightwad gazettes" and I remember clearly a line in there where the author had been watching a program on tv when her youngest was an infant, and they were saying how it's "impossible" to survive on one income "these days" (In the mid-80s). She said she shook her fist at the TV and told that guy "No it's not impossible and I'm going to do it"....
It was then I started dropping hints to Wayne.
There's a few reasons I desired a second child. First of all, I think children are a blessing...and who wouldn't want to receive blessings? Secondly, though we have a child. We never "had a baby"...sure in the technical sense of the term...the DNA is there. Joey was 3 before Wayne met him. There was no Dr appts, ultrasounds, maternity clothes, baby showers, there was no 1st birthday party...there was no mommy, daddy, Joey moments...there was a big empty hole. Joey has no clue and is convinced he rode home in Daddy's new truck when he was 5m old...but still for me...it's an empty space.
I wanted to "do it together"...
Just when I thought that maybe he was starting to agree...12/28/09 was a bittersweet day. Wayne's godson DJ was born. I love DJ and his parents, please don't misunderstand. All the excitement and phonecalls and the "he's arrived" wonderful chaos, just hit me like a ton of bricks. i drove myself to the hospital....and home again when I had Joey. That night Wayne told me "we made a decision, we need to live with it" and I cried...
I was bummed for a while. But apparently didn't give up.
On Mother's Day Eve 2010, a month after we were married, I was all the way up in our room, Joey and Wayne were down in the shop in the basement. They wanted to know what I wanted for mother's day. Joey kept bringing ideas all the down and came back up with a "nope, something else" So finally I made a list. i shot for the moon:) Including "German Sheppard Puppy, Compound Miter Saw, Flowers, 2-3 more kids" Well Joey brought the list down...then back up with some lines through a few things...like the puppy and the saw....and a circle around the 2-3. So I went back down this time and said "what does this mean?" He said "well I don't know how many" yay!:) So on mother's day he took us to lunch at Uno's and bought me a lowe's gift card...with flowers on it:) We started discussing names.
I was under the impression that I could have a reversal of my procedure.
August 28th I found out, from a Dr who preforms reversals every day, that the Drs advertising "my kind" of reversal had a 5% success rate in 3 years. Insert knife into heart.
Then I remembered that the dr that did my procedure had moved to a fertility clinic before our final follow-up. i poked around their site and started explaining the option to Wayne for ivf. Initially he thought he didn't know anything about it...but with cow-reproduction he knew more than me.
After a few days I called to schedule a consult. Since i was already a patient I got in on September 23rd for the consult. (I was the first of their clients to ask what temp extra embabies are stored at, because Wayne said we could just buy a vet freezer if the temp was right, rather than pay for storage:) Our cycle began on October 4th...with a grant of $3500 worth of FREE medicine. I gave myself one or two injections daily (a miracle in and of itself) to stimulate egg production and stop them from being released. On October 23rd...the dr retrieved my eggs...11 all together...and fertilized them. 5 days later two precious embryos, the only two surviving and genetically normal were placed back inside. 4.75 days later, I started testing positive on home preg tests...and the following week a positive blood test at the fertility clinic. followed by a series of 4 weekly ultrasounds before a discharge to my OB's office.
So yes...this child was very much planned. That doesn't mean it didn't require the hand of God to make that child implant and begin to grow. Joey wasn't planned by us...God had different plans.
Just because we think we're planning something, doesn't me we are really in control anyway. Sure we had to enlist Drs this time...but they can't make a baby "stick" and grow....that's still in God's hands. There are women who try 7 cycles of ivf before conceiving...if at all!
We're delighted to be pregnant. We are very much enjoying the whole experience this time.
Do I wish we could leave the whole process up to the Lord? sure thing. But it's my fault the factory was shut down...so we need to give him the tools...and He's used them for His glory!
So "planned" or not...this mother's day our second son will be in the final stages of growth:-)