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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Responsible is kinda boring...

OK, OK....i know I'm a grown up...or should at least act like one. This morning was direct deposit/bill paying morning. I know I should be incredibly thankful to have money to pay the bills...and I am. We're blessed out with a nice home, electric, cable, internet, cells.
Really though, it would have been way more fun to spend the morning at the outlets...
I spend a lot of time getting rid of stuff in my house to keep it neat and organized, and when I shop I really don't go crazy. I usually don't pay full price for anything. I think it's mostly a psychological thing. I'd like to go grocery shopping without adding up our total the whole way through the store to keep it in budget. I'd like to know that I can go bra shopping (something I actually loathe) and still buy gas next week. I think it's more the not worrying IF I can, rather than actually doing it.
Retail therapy was way more fun when all i had was a truck payment and more cash than we bring in combined in a month. (There was a day I walked into Tiffany's with $8,000 in cash in my backpack...and not a bill to pay...)
Don't get me wrong, i totally embrace the fact that I SHOULD pay the bills...and how lovely it is long term. I suppose wondering if the lights will be turned off is worse than wondering if I can blow $100 at the outlets...
There is definitely a fabulous sense of security in paying the bills. It's just not very fun:)
Something tells me that at 30 I should find joy in this...maybe I'm just not there yet. As much as I appreciate spending half an hour clicking away and paying all the bills...I just don't wanna:)
It's not like our bills are crazy...they are pretty much bare bones with added perks like texting:)
There's also a part of me that would love a new car...but there's a bigger part of me that's excited my car payment will be going away in about a year. The baby will be paid for in October. (that sounds so weird) So things will lighten up a little. I'm just stuck here and kinda whining...trying to focus on "yay the bills are paid" and not the "well if I drive 15 miles to save 10 cents a pound on chicken...does it still make sense?"
It would just be a whole different life if we lived on the farm. A $1300 mortgage and a $500/month gas savings...we could save half of it, upgrade to standard cable, and buy all the natural chicken breasts our heart desired...and maybe even hit up a clearance rack here or there...
but...that's out of our control.
So for now I shall try hard to find joy in paid bills...spend an hour reading circulars to find the best chicken price, and not think about how nice a new couch would be.